


Demons

by Viola_Laterra



Category: The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Hunger Games-Typical Death/Violence, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 11:38:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17528021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viola_Laterra/pseuds/Viola_Laterra
Summary: During their infiltration of the Capitol, Gale reflects on Peeta's mental state.  After a particularly troubling request, he gives Peeta some bleak but sage advice.Note that I do not actually describe violence; the characters are discussing canon-typical violence.(written 15 September 2017)





	Demons

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after seeing the movies and before reading the books.

Gale sat down next to Peeta and handed him a piece of hard-tack. Peeta made a face, but said, "Thanks." Gale laughed, a short, humorless sound. "I know you can make better," he said.

Peeta half-smiled at him and bit off a corner of the dry thing and chewed away at it; they sat in silence. Things were never exactly awkward between them; they both knew where they stood, and neither of them really disliked the other. They both seemed to be aware that Katniss needed them each in different ways, and didn't begrudge her that. Either because they both loved her that much, or because they could both see how hard everything was for her. Probably a little of each.

Things were actually even less awkward than they had been, after Gale had finally said yesterday what they had both been thinking. That they could argue about which one of them she needed more, but the reality was that they were unlikely to all make it out of this alive. And in the end, it would be her choice. Would anyone who actually knew Katniss expect anything different? Gale smiled, thinking of how futile it was to tell her to do anything. On something as important as this, of course it would be up to her. It was better to just let go of any expectation, and stay focused on helping her.

He looked over at Peeta, who was still chewing the mouthful of hard-tack, the rest of it forgotten in his hand. He looked distant, disconnected... Gale thought about how bad he'd looked when they'd found him in the Capitol. He'd never been a big guy to start with, but they'd clearly starved him for quite some time. He had some pretty bad injuries, but Gale could tell they weren't meant to kill, only to madden. He knew what animals with wounds like that looked like, and how the wounds made them act. Peeta had been unconscious, barely alive but stable. Gale wasn't sure there was really anything left of him, but Katniss needed whatever they could bring back to her.

So Gale had carried him carefully to the ship; when they got him there they put him on a morphling drip. He seemed more comfortable at first, but then he partially woke. He'd twitched as he lay there, too weak to actually thrash around. He seemed delirious, only muttering Katniss' name. Gale sat with him, said, "You'll be with her soon." Peeta had only tried to thrash around more. Gale hadn't known how to interpret it. Now he understood that it had been the conditioning. At the time, Gale had just fallen silent and kept watch over him. Just like Peeta had done for him after the peacekeeper had beaten him.

He thought about that time for a few minutes, and thought about how Peeta seemed to respond well when you reminded him of real events from his past. So he cleared his throat and said, "I meant to thank you." Peeta looked over at him in surprise, suddenly present again. "For staying with me, when I was..." Gale almost couldn't say it. He'd been beaten for his defiance more than once in his life, but never as badly as that day. "When I was recovering," he finished.

Peeta nodded, looking down. "No problem. You were just defending the helpless. That peacekeeper was... I don't even think I know how to say how angry it made me, to see him go after you and Katniss like that."

Gale glanced at him sideways. It was nice to hear Peeta sound clear-headed about the memory... but, of course, it was Katniss Peeta had been defending, not just him. Even Haymitch had got into the whole thing, and it took a lot to get that guy motivated. But still, Peeta'd stood watch over him while he was healing, just the same. Even if maybe they helped each other for her sake, each in their own way... they were still helping each other, too. Gale wasn't entirely sure that they were friends, exactly, but... they valued each other, at least. It had been good to know Peeta had been there for him when he was hurt, and it had been hard to see Peeta beaten and broken after they rescued him. And that was even before they knew the degree of the damage that had been done to him.

Peeta looked back at Gale and said quietly but abruptly, "You really should kill me."

Gale turned to him in surprise. "What?" he said, just as quietly. Of course, being quiet might be because they were still being hunted as they infiltrated the Capitol, but really it was because neither of them wanted Katniss to hear this conversation.

Peeta looked Gale in the eyes, and he was surprised at the depth of misery that haunted them. He'd seen Peeta look pretty bad over the last couple of weeks since they'd retrieved him from the Capitol, but somehow this was different. Gale realized it was because he looked this way, but he was also clearly completely lucid.

"I'm still not completely in control. I... I might try to kill her again." Gale shook his head, leaned closer to Peeta to make sure Katniss couldn't hear them.

"No, Peeta. We're all here to make sure you don't. I..." he hesitated. It was hard to say it out loud, but it was true, so it needed to be said. "I don't think she could go on if you were dead."

Peeta looked down, away from Gale, for a minute. When he looked back, there were tears in his eyes. "You don't understand. I remember what it was like to try to kill her."

Gale said to him, earnest, but still soft, "Come on, that wasn't really you."

Peeta shook his head and said, "But I remember it. And..." he drew in a shaky breath. "This is why you have to kill me -- part of me liked it."

Gale wasn't sure what to say. He ended up repeating, "It wasn't you, though... it was the conditioning."

This time Peeta just stared Gale in the eyes and said, "No, it wasn't all the conditioning. I think... I think I liked the feeling that maybe I had some power, some control... that it wasn't all always her running things." He took a breath while Gale let that sink in. Gale got quiet. He didn't break eye contact. He just let the feeling of what Peeta had said sit with him for a few moments.

Eventually Peeta looked away, and said quietly, "That's why you have to kill me. I can't live with that feeling. I can't live with the fact that somewhere in me, I wanted to hurt her. Even if I can get rid of the conditioning... what if that never goes away?"

Gale put a hand on Peeta's shoulder. Startled, Peeta looked back at him. Gale said, "That feeling? The feeling that you can have power if you hurt others, even... or especially... those you love? That's just a part of being human."

Peeta started to shake his head, but Gale stopped him. "It's not a nice part of being human. And letting that feeling take over you, that's what people like Snow have done. They like that power so much that they won't give it up, and it lets them do these terrible things to people, like they did to you."

He took his hand away, put both of his hands to his face for a second, rubbing his eyes. Knowing that they'd got to Peeta in this way... someone he knew was fundamentally nonviolent, someone who had been free of this particular kind of suffering... it made him so angry. And he knew that this suffering would affect Katniss, and that made him even more angry.

He looked back at Peeta, who was watching him fearfully. "No, Peeta. I can't take that feeling away for you. It's something you have to figure out how to live with. You have to do it for her. I mean it when I say she won't be able to go on if you're dead. Think of it as a kind of sacrifice, for her, to live with it. I know I do."

Peeta looked a little confused, but Gale didn't elaborate. Peeta did nod, though, and say, "I see. For what it's worth, thanks for the advice, Gale."

Gale looked back, and said, "Well, it's for Katniss. So, just stay alive for her, okay? Keep fighting the conditioning."

Peeta nodded, said, "I will." And then Gale stood and walked away. Peeta tried to curl up around the post he was handcuffed to. Both of them tried to rest as best they could, in spite of whatever demons haunted each of them.


End file.
